At Least Sadness Accompanies Me
by Bitterness11
Summary: Standing aside and watching his lover betraying him with non other than his newly found younger sister. Kaname's sharp mind is full of unanswered questions, their sudden appearance, their real motive, what's all that have to do with him and his authority? Running away from the answers, he struggles to keep standing on his own feet. KaZe
1. The Dying Hope

**Author's Note :** Don't blame me for this new story just blame KanaZero for being a wonderful pair and so fun to right about! Also blame Kaname for being so damn perfect :(  
What should I do they just kept playing in my head I'm not the one at fault here .. Anyway I hope you enjoy this story and wish it won't be confusing at first though :D

**Warnings:** un vampire fic, a slight Zero x Yuuki I don't actually care as long as that bitch is two hundred miles away from Kaname. So much angst I guess and maybe a dark fic? .. Also a terrible grammar and spilling mistakes.

**Summary:** Standing aside and watching his lover betraying him with non other than his newly found younger sister. Kaname's sharp mind is full of unanswered questions, their sudden appearance, their real motive, what's all that have to do with him and his authority? Running away from the answers, he struggles to keep standing on his own feet. KaZe

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Dying Hope**

**_I want to stay in love with my sorrow.._**

**_Oh, but God, I want to let it go._**

* * *

Kaname took off his jacket and put down his umbrella, the storm outside is so powerful. He walked straight to the living room, Zero might be there at this moment.

He stopped on his way when he heard a giggle from the kitchen, is Yuuki here today? Well, he didn't see her limo outside apparently because of the dark and the heavy rain.

A low whimper escaped his lips when he made his way to the kitchen, he stood in front of the slightly open door without any sound. One hand in his pocket and his burgundy eyes staring coldly at the two figures kissing inside the kitchen, His kitchen.

Kissing, smiling, giggling together, they looked like a perfect couple aren't they? One being his younger sister while the other is his first and precious boyfriend, or that what he thought him would be.

Kaname kept staring at them with indifferent expressions, if anyone sees him right now they won't think he give a damn about them, but if they looked closely, they will notice his elegant fingers clutching his pant's pocket in a cold unmistakable rage.

He made his way to the living room, he knew about them two months ago, but why he kept silent about it till this moment? He doesn't know.

Part of him think he doesn't want to lose his only family, his younger sister that he knew about her existence just this year. Also; he doesn't want to lose Zero, the only person who caught his attention with his unusual beauty, the only person who he was able to love. The other part however, wants so badly to see the two lay dead on the ground next to his feet right in this instant.

What an ironic, the only two persons he allowed into his life were betraying him behind his back, a lot of questions were on his exhausted mind; what do they want from him? Why did they come to him in the first place? Why did Yuuki .. Introduce Zero to him?! And why did Zero accept to be his lover if he already loves Yuuki?!

_Why indeed._

He stood next to the window and rubbed his temples when the headache had worsened, his ringing cellphone just made everything worse.

He answered without looking at the name on the screen "what is it Serien?"

He stare coldly at the darkness outside, the heavy rain hitting the glass window firmly, he didn't flinch when the loud thunder cracked outside "You don't have to ask, no matter what his state is just get rid off him already. I don't need a useless person to stand in my way"

He throw his phone on the couch behind him without caring if it broke into pieces, the reason his family's company has reached this high state is because of his hate for the useless people and his hate for the mistakes. He pays them generously, but one mistake and their faces won't be seen in the company ever again, no exceptions. He was raised from his childhood to lead this company to a new promising future, and he did. They call him a sadistic, arrogant and ruthless. Well he won't deny it, he wasn't a tolerant person at all, he never was and he will never be .. Yet ..

Why he didn't face his called lover and sister till now?

He dropped his tired body lazily on the couch, before he knew about their relationship, he was always wondering why Zero is so cold towards him, at first he thought he was shy to show his feelings, but as the days went by; he knew the other doesn't love him at all.

He hates to admit it, but he was desperate to be loved. Since he was a small child; he has been treated like an adult, no presents in Christmas and birthdays, no candies or sweets because of his health, no playing, always studying and reading, and also .. No crying was allowed, that's how the future president of the Kuran company should be raised.

They did well in raising him as a compose and sharp president with iron grip, but as a person? He doubt it.

He was a walking hollow shell, never in his life he felt emotions, he thought it had died somewhere along the way, since he was a child he felt nothing, but deep inside he was hoping that tomorrow might be better, he hoped he would find the happiness they talked about in the books and novels someday. But year after year, all his hopes and childish dreams came crashing down on the cold reality. At the age of 10, he stopped hoping in a better life, he stopped hoping in seeing different colours other than the white, black and gray. He learned how to shut his emotions down, and be the calm compose person they wanted him to be.

Even in his parents funeral he never cried, he didn't know them well anyway, he barely sees them because of their busy business and their travels.

But when he meets Zero, the only person who was able to show him a new life, a new emotions, love, happiness .. He showed him how to smile for the first time in his life.

However those heavenly moments were cut short soon after, when he confessed his love to Zero after a suffering war between his heart and pride, and the other has accepted it with a warm smile and a soft kiss ..

That when; everything bright had disappeared, and his life has returned clouded and dark again, if not worse than before. Zero has changed out of sudden, no more smiles, no more love, and no more pretending as it appears.

He tried to know the reason but he didn't ask once, yes .. He fears the answer.

After their first time in sleeping together, and that was when Zero has started to change, he kept it just a soft kisses between them in hope that Zero might return to his normal self, but it seems .. Zero has jut shown his true self.

He didn't try to make him sleep with him again, he just kept staring at Zero's back till his tired eyes closed slowly. Until ...

He chased these thoughts away when he heard a calm footsteps approaching, he lift his blank wine-red eyes to stare at Zero who stood in the doorway but said nothing.

Zero said coldly "You are home"

He nodded in return and avert his eyes to look at the window, his heart ached, it's un awful pain, at least .. Pretend that you care Zero.

_I miss your smile._

Zero walked and sat next to him on the couch without further talking, he fought back the argue to lean his head on the silver haired boy's shoulder, he was exhausted.

He leaned his head towards the other's shoulder slowly, just this moment .. Just once ..

He stopped midway when he smelt Yuuki's favourite perfume scent on Zero's shirt, he lift his blank eyes to glance at Zero's slightly swollen soft lips. He retreated and leaned his aching head on the couch instead, he closed his eyes and did his best to not let such a thing bothers him..

But it did bother him and hurt him .. deeply.

_It's pointless, all of it._

He opened his tired eyes when he heard Yuuki's cheerful voice "Hello brother! How are you doing?"

He forced a smile "Hello Yuuki, I didn't know you are coming today, how is your college?"

She smiled widely "It's perfect! I got two full weeks to rest before the hard work starts"

He took off his already loosened tie "Have you draw another beautiful picture?"

She smiled knowingly at Zero who returned it with a small but warm smile "Yes and you will definitely like it! But I didn't finish yet it needs more time"

He pretended that he didn't notice the exchange looks, whatever was that picture he have no interest in it at all.

He glanced briefly at Zero before he stood and walked to the door "Take your time Yuuki and take care of yourself, no need to work hard then get sick in the end "

_It's not worth it._

"Okay thank you Kaname, where are you going you won't eat dinner with us?!"

"Actually I'm not hungry, enjoy your meal.." He stopped and gave Zero one last glance "Just make sure he eats probably Yuuki, he wasn't eating well this last week. Good night"

He continued his walk without waiting for a respond, of course Zero will eat well if Yuuki was with him.

She used to come here in every weekend, however the last weekend she didn't because her duties and homework in her college. That's why Zero wasn't eating well it seems, Zero messed her.

After he knew about their relationship he used to leave them alone freely whenever Yuuki came. He took off his shoes and lied his tired body on the bed without caring to change into his pyjama, he knows Zero won't sleep here tonight and he will come in the early morning as usual if Yuuki was here.

He clenched the soft mattress with his hand, till when he will be able to hide it?! It's eating him slowly inside. Till when he will be able to prevent himself from killing them both?!

He groaned when he felt his head like it was about to burst and he rubbed his temples in a field attempt to make the painful headache disappear. Maybe this was his punishment for moving the nuisance people out of his way without remorse, but it was their fault not his, he didn't do anything wrong, he just did what was expected of him.

Until when he will be able to stand steady on his feet?!

Maybe in the end he will .. Die piece by piece, till nothing was left.

* * *

**_I can't hold on to me,_**  
**_Wonder what's wrong with me ..?_**

* * *

**Flashback**

Kaname stare at the empty place next to him, he touched it with his hand, it's still warm, Zero has just left.

He lied on his back and stare mindlessly at the ceiling, his gaze turned to rest on the silver ring on his finger. He bought them for himself and Zero when they had started going out together month ago, it isn't for an engagement or something, it's just a sample to show their love for each other, to show that they belong to each other .. Only.

He took off the ring and stare at what has written inside it_ 'Forever'_ .. He now wonders, is there something called forever at all? Zero ..

They had slept together again before hours ago, their second. He doesn't want to admit it but .. Zero has been oddly so cold with him, he wonders why? Did he hurt him? Is that why Zero has been treating him coldly all the last three weeks? Did Zero hate it?!

He clenched the ring in his hand and closed his eyes forcefully, was he terrible?!

Zero said it was his first, the same goes for Kaname, he never had this sort of feelings before let alone sleeping with other people. As much as he wanted to see Zero's eyes to know his true feelings, the other just avoided his gaze.

He slipped out of the bed and grabbed his towel on his way to the bathroom, where is Zero if he wasn't showering? Well that's weird.

He finished his shower in haste and went to search for Zero, maybe he was hurt or something .. He have to make sure he didn't harm him in anyway.

When he was on his way he passed by Yuuki's room, that sound .. Is she crying?!

He stopped and lift his hand to knock on the door to make sure she was fine, he stopped midway when he heard a low sopping and a soft murmurs, he frowned .. Is there someone inside with her?

Although it was against his rules, but he felt a bad feeling about this. He put his hand on the doorknob and opened it quietly without a sound, his eyes widened when he saw Yuuki crying on the floor and Zero hugging her gently, what's happening? Is something wrong?!

He stare in disbelieve when Yuuki lift her teary eyes towards Zero and said in a shaking voice "I'm sorry .. I'm sorry .. You have to endure this I'm sorry Zero!"

His lips parted slightly in shock and he stare wide-eyed when Zero kissed her gently on her rosy lips "We are in this together Yuuki, I won't go back in my words. We knew this will happen from the beginning didn't we?"

She cried "But you had just throw up because of that! If you doesn't want him to touch you just tell him! Or keep refusing like you did all the past weeks!"

All the colours had drowned from Kaname's face, what was all that?

He lift his hand to his mouth when he suddenly felt a nausea .. Zero has just .. Throw up because he slept with him?!

He focused his wide eyes on them again, he saw Yuuki putting her hand on Zero's hands "Please don't wear this ring in front of me Zero" she sopped "I can't take it!"

He watched when Zero took off the ring and throw it away before he gathered Yuuki in his arms gently.

He took some steps back, is this for real?! He felt his heart stop beating, his hands felt cold, he should have known .. There wasn't any hope for him at all, all his hopes has died long ago. He shouldn't have opened his heart so easily to this boy.

_What a waste .._

There wasn't anything called .. _Forever._

* * *

**_Here in the darkness I know myself .._**

**_And in the end I guess I had to fall .._**

**_Always find my place among the ashes._**


	2. His Name Is Zero

**Author's Note:** Thank u guys for the wonderful reviews I appreciate it! I forgot to mention this in the first chapter, the lyrics is from the amazing song Lithium for Evanescence. I just want u to be aware that I'll put a random lyrics from random songs from now on.

Wintereve: about ur question, Kaname is sleeping with Zero not Ichiru, in fact Ichiru doesn't exist in this story.

As for the other questions everyone I apologise you have to read to know the answers or what's the point if I'm gonna tell you everything :D

* * *

_**Some things you can't go back to,**_  
_**Some things need left alone.**_  
_**Don't mess with the memories of a life passed on.**_

* * *

Kaname stared at his watch in annoyance, fifteen minutes has passed already where's Yuuki?! She should be here by now.

He never wanted to be here, but Yuuki said she wants him to meet her childhood friend. It has been only one month since he found her, or to be exact, knew about her whole existence.

Never in his life he expected that he has a younger sister, his parents never mention it before. At first he didn't believe her when she told him, he thought she was an insane. But when she showed him her blood test he was shocked to say the least, why did she disappeared?! Why his parents never told him about her?! He knows nothing.

He wanted her to do another test in front of his eyes just to be sure, she might be a lier. But the girl looked like a smaller copy from his mother, and he thought it would an insult to his late mother if he did this.

As soon as the news spread that he has a sister he asked her to come and live with him, he never worried on his own safety but now that they all knew about Yuuki being his sister .. She could be in danger.

He knows there are a lot of people hating him out there, most of them were cursing him for losing their jobs, some of them hated him from his childhood, others are just jealous.

And who knows maybe there are someones hated him for things his parents did and he knows nothing about?! Everything is acceptable.

He was glad when she accepted his request, he doesn't want to carry more burdens on his shoulders, so he hired two bodyguards to watch over her.

Poor girl she didn't know that being a Kuran was a curse, you will never know what to expect, and you will always doubt whom you could trust.

He shifted from one foot to the other and leaned on the tree behind him, why they are late?!

He kept his face indifferent as usual and hides his annoyance when he saw her approaching, she waved at him and smiled happily to the other boy she was dragging "Come on Zero he won't bite you!"

Zero ..?! What a weird name. He averted his bored gaze from Yuuki to glance at the boy who snatched his hand from Yuuki with a growl "Stop it Yuuki this is stupid! Why I need to meet him anyway?!"

He felt his heart jolted the moment his eyes rested on that angelic face, that silver beautiful hair, that pale skin and perfect body, everything about him screams unique, but beautiful nonetheless.

A light frown appeared on his face when he noticed the way those gorgeous eyes were glaring at him, is that hate he is seeing deep in those violet orbs? But .. what for?!

He finely turned his gaze to Yuuki when he heard her talking "Don't mind him Kaname he has this attitude with everyone, His name is Zero .. Zero Kiryu"

Kiryu ..? Why he feels like he heard that name before ..?

A small smile tugged on his lips when he saw the cute blush on the scowling boy's cheeks.

_Zero .. It is._

Kaname's eyes flattered open, he stared mindlessly at the ceiling, that dream ..

He dreamed about the first time he met Zero, the time back then .. He would never thought that everything well turn between them like this, so coldness, emptiness, so dead.

He turned on his side and stared coldly at Zero's empty space, it's still late at night, Zero won't be here soon. The boy had caught his attention from the first time he saw him. At first he thought it was just an attraction that well soon disappear, and the boy's rude attitude didn't help at all. However it didn't need a genies to figure that he was slowly falling for that boy, until he became like a poison, a poison he wants so badly.

All that time before he confessed, he watched Zero closely, he knew the boy was keeping that rude attitude like a mask to cover his true feelings, to cover his kind pure heart. It was a matter of time before he knew he was right, he saw Zero's warm smile, he heard his soft chuckles and knew the true gentle Zero, or at least .. He thought he knew the true Zero, it seems he was mistaken.

_Who is Zero? Truly ..?_

The scowling and rude one? The smiling and gentle one? Or the .. Cold devious one?!

One thing he is sure about, he wasn't mistaken when he saw the pure hatred in Zero's eyes when he first saw him.

Zero hates him deeply .. _But why?!_

Zero refused to move in with him at first but then he agreed, after a lot of trying. He never wanted anyone to know about Zero's relationship with him, he didn't want Zero to be targeted. But things weren't going on his way lately, he found their picture on the newspaper's first page the next week. So he did for him like what he did for Yuuki, he hired bodyguards for him as well, and of course .. Zero didn't like it one bit.

He said they're annoying when they followed him everywhere, especially in his college, so he made an exception, no bodyguards in college. He hopes he won't regret it later, he doesn't want to lose him, he feared losing him.

He flinched when he heard Zero's quiet voice "Are you awake?"

He frowned lightly, he was spacing out he even didn't hear the door opening, he answered without changing his laying position "Yeah"

He lift his blank eyes to Zero's back who was taking off his shirt ..

_If I kept silent about it .. Will you stay by my side longer Zero ..?_  
_I have already giving up on you loving me._  
_But .. Don't leave me .._

He blinked when he heard Zero mumbling "I guess I should move to another room"

He felt his heart ache for a moment, why it's so cold all of sudden?!

He kept his face indifferent and sat up slowly, he stared blankly at Zero who was buttoning his pyjama's shirt. Maybe he should allow him to move to another room, he barely sees him here so what's the deference? Right ..?

He swallowed the lump in his throat, he will just miss his smell on the pillows, sheets and covers .. Nothing more right?!

He asked in a hoarse voice "Why do you think so?"

His blank gaze followed Zero till he sat on the other side of the bed "As you can see, my sleep is a mess, I'll keep waking you up every night if this continued on"

_As if all the times I keep you on your own isn't enough._

He turned his gaze to stare at his for some reason cold fingers, he nodded slowly "If you want, so be it"

He lift his gaze again to Zero when he heard the surprise in his uncertain tone "Are you sure?"

Not in hell he will show Zero how much he was affecting him, he smiled faintly and lift his hand to touch Zero's soft cheek gently "Of course I'm, if it will make you more comfortable then why not?"

He stopped caressing the other's cheek when he remembered how much Zero hates his touch, he dropped his hand to his own lap before turning his face to the side and closing his eyes forcefully, Zero must be disgusted from him right now.

He opened his burgundy eyes again when he heard Zero murmuring softly "Fine then, night Kaname"

_Finely he said my name .._

He sighed slowly when Zero gave him his back without another word, he lie on his back and stared at the ceiling in the dark room "Night Zero"

He kept staring at the ceiling till he heard Zero breathing softly, he must has fallen asleep. He turned to his side and whispered gently "Zero..?"

When the other didn't move he lift his hand to touch Zero's soft hair gently, he loves Zero's hair, he loves the way it feel between his fingers .. So soft. He loves everything about Zero.

Anyone might think he is a cowered for keeping silent about Zero and Yuuki's relationship, but he doesn't want to lose Zero, he knows for sure if he faced him about it it will end eventually between them. Everything will shattered around him, he doesn't want that.

He never has been attached to someone like he did with Zero, what will happen to him if Zero decided to go, what will happen if Zero left him alone. He doesn't want to think about it, even if he knows for sure that day will come eventually, he hopes Zero will stay for longer time.  
Just a little longer.

_You are slipping slowly from my fingers, and I can't do anything to prevent it .. Except watching._

* * *

**_Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone._**  
**_Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show._**  
**_Never wanted it to be so cold._**

* * *

Kaname put the pen on the file he was reading and rubbed his temples, this damn headache!

He glanced at the picture on the newspaper next to him, it's for him and Zero in their first days going out. He never noticed anyone watching them, nor he noticed anyone with cameras around them. He never went to public places, he didn't want them to know about his relationship with Zero, but they did.

He glanced at the picture frame next to it, the only picture he have for Zero, and he doubts that Zero knew about it. If anything, he regrets not taking more pictures for Zero when they were happier, but he was glad he took this one, even without Zero knowing.

He took the picture frame and ran his finger mindlessly on Zero's smiling features, what mysterious lies behind those wonderful lavender eyes? he wonders.

He put the frame down when he heard the knock on his office door "Come in"

He kept his eyes rested on Zero's smiling face even after his assistance has entered "Kaname-Sama .."

He said blankly "What do you want Ichijo?"

He noticed the other was nervous for some reason "Kaname-Sama .. You remember the last person we caught with embezzlement .."

He took the pen and started working on the file again with indifferent features "The last one we throw into jail? Yes I do"

He heard Ichijo's voice shaking slightly "I'm sorry for saying this Kaname-Sama but .. He have small children, and his family isn't in a good state actually, they were waiting to see you"

He kept reading the file "So? You know I won't meet them"

Ichijo tried again "Kaname-Sama please reconsider it, you know he didn't take a lot of money .. It was just for his daughter's surgery .."

He said in a warning tone "Ichijo" he lift his cold gaze to meets the other's frightened one "Who are you to tell me what to do?"

He returned his gaze to the file when the other had bowed "I'm sorry Kaname-Sama"

"You know he deserves to be punished, there was another ways to get the money, he could have asked me I wouldn't refuse"

"Yes Kaname-Sama"

He leaned his head back on his chair and stared at the ceiling "Where did you say they are living at?"

* * *

Kaname closed his car's door and put his hands into his coat pockets, he hates wondering around in a limo, so aside form his work he always takes his personal car.

He frowned when he noticed the poor area, the streets is so tight no car will be able to enter so he has to walk till he reaches his destination.

He sighed and started walking, that man needs to be punished, but his poor family have nothing to do with it.

His frown deepened when he stood in front of the house, it's just like what Ichijo said, he won't be surprised when it's suddenly collapse, it's so creepy.

He lift his hand and knocked gently on the cracked door, he fears braking it!

He stepped back when he heard a warm voice "I'm coming"

When the door opened he saw the woman staring at him with suspicion. He took off his sunglasses and said blankly "Mrs Korurugi I assume?"

He noticed her face paled before she gasped "Mr Kuran?!"

When he nodded she smiled and stood aside "Please come in I'm happy to see you"

He entered and walked behind her silently, when they reached what looked like a living room she asked politely "If you don't mind me asking, what do you prefer tea or coffee?"

He answered calmly "Actually I won't take long .."

He blinked when she cut him off "Please Mr Kuran I insist!"

He prevent himself from smiling, it's always the same "Coffee, thank you"

She smiled before she disappeared into the kitchen, he asked when she returned with the coffee after some minutes "Where is your children?"

He doesn't mind seeing them, the three of them looked like little poppies when he watched them from his office earlier.

She chuckled "They are playing outside with the other children"

He nodded slowly "I see"

She bowed apologetically "I'm sorry Mr Kuran for what my husband did"

He shook his head slowly "It isn't your fault, and that's why I'm here"

* * *

When he finished what he came for he stood outside the kind woman's door "Thank you Mr Kuran I won't forget your help, I'll pray for you!"

_Please keep praying .. I need it more than you think._

He nodded and said calmly "I don't want anyone to know that I came here okay?"

She nodded with a smile and gestured to three little children were running towards them "There are my children if you want to see them!"

A small smile tugged on his lips when saw their cute little faces and how the three of them cling on their mother's legs "Mommy!"

He couldn't prevent the memory that ran through his mind with this sight.

**Flashback  
**

The 5 years old Kaname stared at the little ball on the grass next to his feet, he bent down and took it between his small hands before he glances at the nervous looking little girl in front of him.

He walked towards her with blank features "Here"

She hesitated before she took the ball from him "Thank you"

"What are you doing?!"

He turned his head to glance at the little boy who shouted and now he was grabbing the girl's hand "Why are you standing with this freak?! Mom told us not to speak with him he is the Kuran's son don't you know that?!"

His blank big eyes widened slightly when he saw the frightened look in the girl's eyes "I didn't know it was him!"

He watched silently the boy dragging his now crying sister with him to their chattering mom. Maybe he deserves that for sneaking here into the park without the maids knowing, his parents will be pissed, and he will be scolded later. but he wanted to see with his own eyes how the park looks like, and it was exactly like what he had read, he turned on his heels to walk back home, Except .. there wasn't any friends to play with.

He stopped on his way when he saw a giggling child running towards his mother and holds her legs happily, he stared surprised at the smiling mother, why she didn't yell at him for doing unrespectful behaviour? Children should know the manners at this age shouldn't them?! His mother had told him so.

He never gave it a second thought and went home.

Kaname smiled faintly to himself, he was just a child. He believed everything his parents had told him, but over the years he knew they weren't always tell the truth.

Now he knows, he never was a child in their eyes.

He bid the woman and her poppies farewell and went to his way, sometimes innocent people get caught on things they have nothing to do with, they are just victims, like this poor woman and her little poppies, children.

He wore his sunglasses and put his hands into his pockets, the weather is getting colder. He frowned when he thought he saw a flash of silver he knows very well turning the corridor, he changed his direction to follow that boy, if he wasn't mistaken ..

His eyes widened when he saw Zero walking there, what is he doing here from all the places?! What about his college?! And why is he alone? Hell where is the bodyguards?!

He knew it's wrong thing to do, but he followed him silently. He was surprised when he saw Zero standing in front of an old empty house before he entered.

What's there to do in an empty ruined house?!

He hides behind the wall and tilted his head to watch Zero walking to the back small field, at least he didn't enter this creepy ruins.

He went to the other way to the back field to avoid bumping into Zero, Zero won't forgive him for spying on him like this.

He hides behind a broken door and searched the small field for Zero, his eyes widened when he saw him standing in front of .. _Two gravestones._

_Two graves at a place like this?! To whom?! And what's their connection to Zero?!_

As far as he knows, Zero and Yuuki both lived in an orphanage before she came to him, they both have no homes, no families.

His heart ached when he saw Zero kneeling next to the graves with an anguished and sorrowful gaze, it's the first time he saw such emotions on Zero's beautiful features. If he will just allows him to comforts him, if he will just let him help, if he will just tells him his problems, his feelings ..

_If he will just opens his heart for me .._

He saw Zero's lips moving and he muttered something, he couldn't catch what Zero has said. He clinched his chest and fell on his knees when he suddenly felt an awful pain.

He closed his eyes forcefully and silent whimpers escaped his lips, he prevented himself from making any sound. His eyes opened after a minute and he stared at Zero's form with a burred vision ..

_Just .. What mysterious lies behind those sorrowful eyes ..?_

* * *

**_I don't wanna be a witness to a path that's overgrown._**  
**_'Cause time has taken toll on what we couldn't see._**  
**_No I don't wanna be a witness to the end of you and me._**

* * *

**AN:** I apologise I had to write this chapter from Kaname's POV, the next one will be from Zero's I promise.

So .. Till then.


	3. The Grief You Gave Me

**The Grief You Gave Me Will Return In Kind**

Sipping from his hot coffee slowly, he lifted his lavender blank eyes to the figure sitting quietly in front of him; Kaname Kuran, his said lover. Kaname was working on his laptop at the moment; he only does this in rare occasions. At least now if Kaname ever found out about his relationship with Yuuki, he will tell him it's because he always leaves him alone, just like this. Yes, Kaname was ignoring him these last two months, and sometimes he wonders if he knew about him and Yuuki, but decided to say nothing?!

No, that's impossible. A member of Kuran family wouldn't allow such a thing to happen, he will simply kills them, even if Yuuki was his sister, Kaname wouldn't give a damn if she did such a thing to hurt his stupid pride.

He focused his gaze on the aristocratic beautiful face, the thin lines on his strong jaw tell you how cruel this person truly is, and how rarely he actually smiles.

He was always wondering how he could deceive such a smart man like this one in front of him so easily. Maybe luck was on his side, or maybe... God had sent him as a punishment Kaname truly deserves.

He stared blankly at the tired looking wine-red eyes, Kaname doesn't seem sleeping well these days, regardless to why; he deserves more suffering, this is nothing.

A memories that ran through his mind, caused his gaze to turn hateful instantly...

**Flashback**

_He was staring at his laying mother with sorrowful gaze; he lifted his small hand to touch her burning forehead gently. He choked while the tears ran down his cheeks "Mother... Why can't we bring a doctor for you? If this continued on you will die!"_

_He held his mother's hand when she lifted her warm hand to touch his "I'll be fine Zero dear, don't worry it's just a fever."_

_He tightened his hold on his mother's hand "I heard you and father before! The Kurans are responsible for all of this, aren't they? They put us into such a poor state!"_

_His mother answered weakly "No, Zero! You don't..." She went silent suddenly. Zero turned his head around slowly to the sopping little girl next to the door "I'm sorry, it's my fault, if you hadn't took me in then you would be..."_

_He lowered his mother's hand gently on the bed, and went hastily to the crying Yuuki. He took her small hand in his and assured "It's not your fault Yuuki, you are not one of them, you have always been one of us"_

_"That's right, it's not your fault sweetheart, you are just a poor victim"_

_He lifted his watered eyes to his father, who was patting Yuuki's head gently. He knows as they all know, Yuuki is those Kuran's daughter, but why his parents took her since she was born? This is something his parents never answered._

_Yuuki is such a small innocent girl, she needs to be protected, and he always took that responsibility upon himself. If those cruel Kurans had threw her away without a reason, then who will take care of this fragile girl?!_

_She was also his only friend, they were alone most of the time, in their school, and in their neighborhood. It has always been just him and Yuuki, and he was always trying to defend her whenever the neighbors' boys spat at her, and she was always besides him to take care of his wounds. They were fine, they were supporting each other, and they have no need for any other person._

.

Zero lifted his head slightly; he doesn't know when he averted his eyes away from Kaname. He returned his now blank gaze back to Kaname, he must hides his feelings perfectly, Kaname isn't a fool after all.

Kaname's attention was focused on his work, and now his perfect eyebrows were furrowed slightly. Perhaps if he sat next to him; he might find useful informations about his company. The more information he has; the easier his act would be. He glanced at the heavily rain that was hitting the window's glass firmly, before he stood and a wry smile appeared on his lips "The weather is getting colder, don't you think?"

He walked slowly towards Kaname, who lifted his cold empty eyes to meet his gaze, and asked in a slightly worried tone "The room is warm, aren't you feeling well, Zero?"

He faked a smile, and ignored the way his heart skipped a beat upon hearing Kaname saying his name, he told himself like he always do, he was just disgusted.

Throwing his body lazily on the coach next to Kaname, he leaned his head on Kaname's strong shoulder and whispered "I'm fine, but it's not warm enough"

It didn't miss his mind how Kaname's body tensed slightly, before relaxing again and resuming his work quietly. He smirked to himself when he realized how much he was affecting Kaname, for someone as strong and frightening as this person next to him, to tense just because of this small touch; it's something you rarely be able to witness.

He buried his face in Kaname's shoulder, and inhaled his beautiful scent deeply. Even if Kaname was disgusting him to no end, hell, the damn bastard always smells pleasant.

It has been a long while since he sat next to him like this; he never got close to Kaname after he changed his room, and Kaname never touched him, unless he ruffles his hair from time to time, or touch his cheek gently.

He wrapped his arm around Kaname's waist, and focused his gaze on the screen in front of his eyes. His mind was trying to register all the numbers, the names; he needs every information about Kaname's company. He clenched Kaname's shirt tightly, he needs to know more to be able to destroy it; just like he is going to destroy its owner.

He swiftly removed the hateful gaze from his eyes, he shouldn't forget himself with this emotions. He stared at Kaname's elegant fingers, while a question was running on his mind, just how much blood these hands had gotten dirty with?

Other than his parents... Who else the people thought had died accidently while in truth, the Kurans were behind their deaths?!

**Flashback**

_He dragged the little Yuuki along with him on the wit road "Hurry up Yuuki! We must find them!"_

_Holding the umbrella over their heads to protect them from the heavy cold rain, he tightened his grip on her small hand. He slowed down his steps when he heard her asking in a shaky voice "Are you sure they went to the Kuran's house, Zero?"_

_He shivered when the cold wind hit his small shaking body, he had given Yuuki his jacket, and the thin wit clothes he was wearing doesn't help at all "Yes, I'm sure Yuuki. The letter they received was from that damn house"_

_"Look! There they are!"_

_He smiled when he saw their parents' car driving slowly on the wit dangerous road. Yuuki ran past him happily to wave at their parents; he froze when he noticed the black crazy car on the opposite direction of their parents'. He yelled and grabbed Yuuki's arm "Watch out! Yuuki!"_

_As soon as he grabbed Yuuki, his wide-eyes watched with horror when the black car had crashed intentionally into his parents'. He stared with unblinking wide eyes at the now blood stained road, while his mind couldn't register only one thing..._

_This wasn't an accident, and he knows very well who was behind it._

.

He lifted his head from the comfortable shoulder, he hates this man in front of him, and he hates all of his family. The pain and anguish he and Yuuki had suffered after his parents death; he cannot forgive them for what they did, and he won't.

He wants this person in front of him to feel all what they had been through, when everyone has left them... Alone.

**Flashback**

_Angry yet teary eyes stared at the two gravestones, earlier in his parents' funeral, no one had come. They had buried them on their own, with the help of their neighbor old man._

_"Zero, why no one came to say goodbye to mother and father?"_

_He wiped his tears and forced a little smile on his lips, before he turned around to face Yuuki "Because they didn't know them like we did"_

_His smile disappeared when he saw Yuuki is about to start crying again "But... Surly they feel alone... They..."_

_When Yuuki's tears ran down her cheek, he hugged her gently and patted her head "No they don't, all they want is for us to be happy. They are not alone Yuuki, they have each other" he took Yuuki's small hand in his "And we are not alone, we have each other as well, so don't cry... Everything will be okay"_

_**Everything will be okay**_

.

He clinched his fist and glared hatefully at the floor, it's because of them their parents had died alone. As if all the pain they had caused them in their whole life wasn't enough, in the end they had killed them.

He has no intention in forgiving them, he will avenge his late mother and father. Haruka and Juri Kuran had already died but... He turned his gaze towards Kaname who was now closing his laptop; he will get his revenge from this person in front of him. He has the same poisoned blood, the cruelty and arrogance, and of course, there's a lot of people had suffered because of him like his parents. Although he admits that Kaname is treating him differently from the way he treats the others, but he knows he is just as cruel and selfish as his parents, if not more. He knows that behind those smiles Kaname used to give him, and behind the tender gaze that he sometimes sees in Kaname's eyes, there is no feelings at all. He knows that Kaname has no heart, he knew from the first time he saw him...

**Flashback**

_He was hiding behind a tree, his lavender eyes were watching the numerous people who came to the two Kurans funeral. What an ironic! After four years of his parents death, the two persons who killed them had died in a similar accident._

_His hateful gaze was rested on their only son... Kaname Kuran._

_How could such a boy just stare coldly when his own parents is being buried?! He was acting as if this was a daily routine, and not the fact that his parents had just died, and he won't be able to see them ever again!_

_His grip on the tree tightened, why he is so surprised? Their son is just like them, he has no feelings, and he is heartless. He is just a demon in human form._

_"Zero, we have to go back to the orphanage, they will start looking for us"_

_He heard Yuuki's low voice, but his gaze never left the older boy "He is a monster..."_

_Finely he turned around to face Yuuki with clenched fists "I have made up my mind, I'm going to avenge me parents. I'll give it everything! The Kurans will pay for everything they had done!"_

_He turned his head slightly to glare hatefully at Kaname Kuran "I'm going to bring him down, I don't care what that will cost me. I swear, I'll let him suffer like we did, and I'll do whatever it takes!"_

_His fists loosened and his eyes widened slightly, when he remembered that they were Yuuki's true family. He turned his gaze again towards her and said smoothly "Yuuki, you have nothing to do with this, if you want to..."_

_"No!"_

_He stared at her with a questioning gaze, and she continued "I'm going to help you, your parents were mine as well" she extended her small hand towards him "Let's do this together, Zero"_

.

He stared blankly at Kaname's back, who was standing in front of the window and staring outside. If he kept ignoring Kaname like he had been doing the last two months, then Kaname might lose his interest in him, and all of his efforts would be without meaning. He has to keep Kaname close and tortuous him in the same time. For that he must keep his disgust aside, he was ready to bear anything when he decided to revenge, and he still.

Inhaling deeply, he stood and walked to where Kaname was standing.

_This is all for his parents._

_This is for everything he and Yuuki had been through._

He stood behind Kaname, and wrapped his slender arms around his waist. He should be thankful, even if Kaname was a guy, at least he wasn't fat or ugly, and instead he was attractive and handsome, too handsome for his own good.

He buried his face between Kaname's shoulders, and left his hands to wander freely on Kaname's abdomen, before he lifted his left hand slowly to Kaname's chest.

He closed his eyes when he felt Kaname's swift and strong heartbeats under his hand, it appears Kaname has a heart after all; a heart he is going to play with until his last move.

He opened his eyes after a moment, when he felt Kaname's warm hand gently covering his. Why Kaname doesn't push him away? After all the two months he has been intentionally ignoring him?

"Kaname-sama, Zero-sama, the dinner is ready"

...

* * *

He dialed the numbers, and waited for the other person to pick up.

"Hello, Zero"

He answered with annoyance in his voice, while he was unbuttoning his shirt "What took you so long, Kaito? I don't have much time"

"Calm down, I was just..."

He threw his shirt away and cut him off "Keep it to yourself I'm not interested. He has an important deal tomorrow evening, and I think he is expecting too much out of it"

He heard Kaito sighing before answering "I see, tomorrow huh? I guess I have to work fast then. What's the other company's name?"

"I'll send it to you instantly"

"Ok! Don't worry Zero, I'm going to take it in front of his eyes, and we are going to pull the rag from under his feet!"

Smiling faintly, he grabbed his towel "You better should, we have an agreement after all"

He ended the call before Kaito could answer, and went to take a shower.

He found Kaito two years ago, they weren't friends, but Kaito had suffered the same as him, and wanted so badly to take his revenge. Together they worked on this plan, he was spying on Kaname closely, and destroying him emotionally at the same time, while Kaito used Zero's money to start a company on his own, a company strong enough to destroy Kaname's.

After living six years in the orphanage, he had been adopted by a wealthy family and went to live abroad with them, while another family took Yuuki, that when they had separated.

Then he met Kaito, and knew about his hate for the Kurans, and by a slip of his tongue Kaito knew about his desire to revenge, and insisted he would help him.

Soon after he returned to Japan he met Yuuki again, and she had welcomed him with open arms. When he confessed his true feelings for her she cried, and told him she has the same feelings.

He had hesitated before telling her his and Kaito's plans, but when he told her she didn't mind helping at all.

Although Yuuki and Kaito want the same thing as him, but they had told him not to involve with Kaname in a relationship like that, for it might destroy him emotionally as well, and of course he didn't listen. However soon after, they knew they cannot accomplish anything if they weren't able to get closer to Kaname, since he wasn't willing to treat Yuuki as his sister and open his heart for her. Luckily, he did open his heart to him almost too easily.

He walked with heavy steps towards Kaname's room, although he got what he wanted and Kaname had loved him and opened his heart for him, but the price he has to pay for this is still... Suffocating him, and disgusting him to no end.

He opened the door and stared at the empty room with a grimace on his face, Kaname seems showering right now.

Closing the door, he walked lazily and sat comfortably on Kaname's bed. He has to bear this if he wanted to achieve his goal, someday he would smirk at Kaname's anguished gaze, and he would laugh loudly while the other suffers in his death.

He turned his gaze to the bathroom door when he heard it opening. A light frown appeared on his face when he saw the surprise in Kaname's dark eyes, that's weird, wasn't Kaname expecting him?!

He lowered his gaze to Kaname's half buttoned pajama's shirt, for the thousand time, he is so thankful that Kaname wasn't too old or fat or ugly, or he would be doomed.

"Zero?"

He lifted his eyes to meet Kaname's questioning gaze but said nothing. He didn't move when Kaname sat on the bed as well, and said in a quiet voice "Is something wrong?"

He turned his gaze away from the intense wine-red eyes. Gritting his teeth, he answered "Is it wrong for me to come here?"

He felt Kaname's warm hand caressing his cheek gently "No, not at all" he blinked when Kaname's fingers touched his bangs "Your hair still wet"

His eyes widened slightly when Kaname took his towel and started draining his hair. He kept his gaze rested on Kaname's chest, no matter how many times he asked himself why Kaname is treating him differently from the others, why Kaname allows him to do as he wishes; he won't ever know why.

And that shouldn't matter to him; he shouldn't bother himself with such questions.

He lifted his gaze to Kaname's lips when Kaname had put the towel away, yes that's right, nothing good will come from such thoughts, and he has more important things to think about.

For now... He has to turn his personal emotions off.

He leaned slowly and pressed his lips gently on Kaname's, and he wrapped his arms around Kaname's neck when he felt him responding. This is for his parents and for the pain he and Yuuki has gone through all these years.

He moved his lips to Kaname's jaw when he felt his arms tightening around him. He wants to get this over with, he wants Kaname to do what he wants with his body and finish as soon as possible, he is getting sick of all this!

He lowered his head slightly and brushed his lips too lightly on Kaname's neck; he knows how this small act had affected the other when Kaname gripped his hair a little roughly "Zero..."

Still keeping his eyes close, he ran his hand slowly on Kaname's strong chest before resting it on his crazy beating heart. How ironic... Really.

He opened his eyes surprised when he felt Kaname's hands on his shoulders, and he was slowly pushing him away from his neck. He stared with a questioning gaze to Kaname's blank dark eyes, why did he do this? He knows Kaname wants him at the moment, so what's on his mind?

"Zero, I know you are not ready for this yet"

Kaname's voice was low and slightly hoarse. He stared with slightly wide eyes when Kaname moved his silver bangs away from his eyes and continued "You don't have to push yourself for me, I'll wait until you are totally ready, okay?"

Lowering his gaze, he bit his lower lip firmly, he was giving himself too much credits, his act wasn't perfect enough to fool Kaname, when they were doing it... At least.

"Don't do this; you are going to hurt yourself"

He released his poor lip, and blinked when Kaname leaned slightly to lick his lower lip gently. He closed his eyes when he felt Kaname's fingers tangling in his soft hair, why Kaname is behaving like this? _So tender_...? This is not like him at all.

He opened his eyes when Kaname moved away, after kissing his lips gently "Sleep here tonight Zero, will you?"

He stared at Kaname's dark wine-red eyes, Kaname won't ask him why he wasn't ready, and he hadn't said much, Kaname won't ask him any questions.

That's better; it might be hard to lie on a too smart person like Kaname.

He put his hands on Kaname's chest, before he pushed him to lie on his back on the soft sheets. He rested his head on Kaname's chest and whispered softly "Sure, why not?"

He closed his tired eyelids when he felt Kaname wrapping his arms around him; this is it for Kaname Kuran... One night in heaven, then dozen nights in hell, and the life goes on.

Until his inevitable end, he will pay for what he and his family had done.

...

* * *

He walked hastily to the living room, where the maid had told him Yuuki is waiting at. It is nearly dinner time, and Kaname didn't come yet, although he sometimes comes late, but he never has been late until this hour before. And for Yuuki to come suddenly at this time of night is plainly weird!

He said as soon as he entered the room "Yuuki, is something wrong?!"

He stared with worried gaze at her shivering body; she looked like she was trying hard to prevent herself from crying. He walked towards her and put his hand gently on her shaking shoulder "What is it? You are scaring the hell out of me?!"

She gripped his arm and said in a shaky voice "Zero, we have to run! He is going to kill us! He is just like what you said before! He is a monster!"

He frowned deeply "Calm down, tell me why are you saying this? What happened?"

"Today two men... from his company had been killed..."

His frown deepened, and he tilted his head slightly "And...?"

Her grip on his arm tightened, and her tears ran down her cheek "He killed them! I swear I saw him killing them!"

His eyes widened in shock, Kaname had... _Killed?!_

"I was passing by... They were in the back street..."

He ignored his conflicted feelings, and put his arms around her slender body and hugged her gently, she continued between her sops "My bodyguards took me away from the place; they said it's dangerous... And..."

"It is okay, Yuuki."

He patted her back gently, why he is shocked? He knew Kaname is not different from his parents from the beginning, hell... He is too much worse. His parents were using sneaky tricks to cover their crimes, but Kaname... The people are just like slaves to him; he even dared to kill them in public, and didn't try to hide. Kaname Kuran... What a frightening heartless man.

"Zero... We have to run away! Fast! He is going to kill us as well if he knew what we are doing!"

He shook his head slowly "No, Yuuki. I'm not going back, not after everything we did. I'll not stop until I finish what I had started. But you have to go away if you are so afraid."

"No! I'm not leaving you alone!"

His hold on her slim waist tightened "Yuuki..."

Suddenly, he heard the sound of a glass breaking. He turned his head around, and his eyes widened when he saw Kaname leaning on the doorway, and his hand were on the small table the broken vase was on, it seems he had broke it intentionally.

He dropped his arms to his sides, Kaname knows he and Yuuki are best friends, and it is okay for friends to hug each other right? So why Kaname's cold gaze looked like it holds so much anger?!

Kaname looked perfect as always... He doesn't look like he had just killed two of his men, what a cold blood he has!

He heard the sarcasm in Kaname's velvet voice "Sorry for interrupting"

He stared with lightly furrowed eyebrows at Kaname's cold wine-red eyes, there was anger, as well as... _Disappointment._

But why?

…

* * *

_**Rosaries left under the mattress of the memories**_

_**Who could bear the witness?**_


End file.
